Childbirth $101

This past Saturday we had our first of two sessions on "Childbirth". More accurately, "How not to get your ass kicked while your wife gives birth". The information resembles the Miracle of Life video (that most of us had to watch in Phys Ed when we were in high school) with slight modifications on how to behave.

The instructor, Joan (i think??), told us about herself. She has three children between the ages of 25 and 17 and has over 20 years of experience teaching this class. She was actually substituting for the regular instructor and, although she didn't say it, it appeared that it had been a while since she last taught the class.

In the beginning we awkwardly two-steped our way through introductions with the other couples in the class. It took the edge off knowing a little more than we first did about the company in the room. Our class had close to twelve couples (all seemingly married) who were all due within about three weeks of each other. After about 30 minutes everyone seemed to lighten up as the interactions became less and less awkward.

The class was scheduled from 8:30a - 1:00p and as it went on it got more and more boring. It was only 9:30a and I was already using strategery to figure out how to stay awake and look interested. By 10:00a my mind began to wonder (as it often does in times like this) and it occurred to me -- "we actually paid good money to listen to a lot of information that we already know and/or don't care about!!!".

Wow!

• I could have been about 1/5 closer to getting my PlayStation 3 off of layaway
• I could have restocked my depleted cognac reserves
• I could have taken the wife to a nice dinner
• I could have paid most of my fantasy football fees for the upcoming season
• I COULD STILL BE SLEEPING!!!

Needless to say, none of these thoughts helped to calm my nerves, especially not after I realized that I would be in this room for another 3 hours. It was a painful afternoon.

This coming Saturday, we'll be back in there for the final session. Only this time we are learning how to breathe. A better description would be how to keep your wife from fusing the bones in your hands while she delivers the baby. I am actually looking forward to this part of the class. I have always wondered how this lamaze thing really goes down. Guess we'll see...

So, it's not to say that the class is useless. I actually think it's quite useful. It introduces you to the idea of spending lots of money on things you aren't used to spending money on AND spending a lot more of your time doing things that pertain to the baby. Whether you like it or not seems irrelevant.